*lol*

[jessybxx]

Found that on some Yahoo! group:

If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly...

Dear Sanda I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud
boy all yeer
yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in garbage
collection. How about I send you a frickin' book so you can learn to
read and write?
Santa

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Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I
ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
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Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd
like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can
do?
Love Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door
in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes,
a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're
gay! I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa

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Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I
left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in
my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
bottle of scotch.
Santa

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Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you
busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself
silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa

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Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get
into our home?
Love, Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in
a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams, Santa